so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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