Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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