he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
