I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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