I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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