I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
