Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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