your parents love me but you hate me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
