just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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