U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
