Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
