Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
