You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
