Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
