Cold hands, warm shart.
I bet he comes in French.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
