I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
