We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
