After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
