my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
