I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
