the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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