come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So much rum. So many feels.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
