Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
