Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
