That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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