We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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