You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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