If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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