thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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