May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I touched a dick in church today
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
