Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
