i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Michael Bay diarrhea
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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