So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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