when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
