Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
