When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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