im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize