you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
