Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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