cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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