Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My dick has a subreddit
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
