I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
