Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
