We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
