You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
