Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
