i already hear my dad disowning me
one might say we're banned from that church
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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