we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
