its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
