Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
