dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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