I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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