I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize