ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize