If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
