He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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