dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
