the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
