I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
