i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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