if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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