Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hippo gnu deer
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
