Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
