Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
