I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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