im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
