haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
