Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize