I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
