The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
