I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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