Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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