Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
