with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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