Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
