Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
