I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
